When I was 16, all I wanted out of life was sex and drugs. I wanted sex and drugs so bad I didn’t know what to do with myself. But I was a dork and couldn’t really get either of them so I spent most of my time playing D&D and teaching myself to program. Now I’m almost 39 goddamn years old, and not to humblebrag but I can have all the sex and drugs I want. That programming thing turned out to be sort of lucrative, so even if I still lack the moves to participate in frankly ludicrous sex acts (Fig. 1, above) I can pretty much make use of FREE MARKET CAPITALISM and buy it. And yet all I think about lately is how awesome it would be to play some D&D. (I’m thinking this after the sex, mind you; I’m not a complete dork.)

When I was 16, all I wanted out of life was sex and drugs. I wanted sex and drugs so bad I didn’t know what to do with myself.

But I was a dork and couldn’t really get either of them so I spent most of my time playing D&D and teaching myself to program.

Now I’m almost 39 goddamn years old, and not to humblebrag but I can have all the sex and drugs I want. That programming thing turned out to be sort of lucrative, so even if I still lack the moves to participate in frankly ludicrous sex acts (Fig. 1, above) I can pretty much make use of FREE MARKET CAPITALISM and buy it.

And yet all I think about lately is how awesome it would be to play some D&D.

(I’m thinking this after the sex, mind you; I’m not a complete dork.)